Recently a friend of mine implored the online community for recommendations of exceptional lunch spots in Lakeland. The results, in my opinion, were pretty fucking terrible. This isn’t surprising, Lakeland has the worst food culture of any of the six towns I have ever lived in. Two of those towns were Auburndale and Lake Wales, that is saying something. You are hard pressed to find an eatery that doesn’t include “bees” in the name or include a chili pepper masquerading as an apostrophe. After seeing the results that her online query generated, I messaged her privately with some suggestions. Let’s just say she totally enjoyed her lunch.
This got me thinking, I have reviewed very few restaurants in Lakeland, mainly due to the lack of good choices. So instead of reviewing all of these places, I figured I would just make a list since the contenders are so few that it really wouldn’t be all that daunting. I also thought I would include a list of commonly recommended eateries and why you should tell the people who suggested them to “fuck right off”.
Let us begin.
Ultimately she decided to go with the relatively new Vietnamese eatery Pho Tan, which I was very quick to recommend. This place has authentic, delicious Vietnamese food that comes at an extremely reasonable price. Their selection of dishes is voluminous, they boast an encyclopedia of a menu including several variations of Pho and my personal favorite, the Bahn Mi, pork to be exact. On the flip side, if someone even mentions the words Saigon Bistro, roll your eyes and make it clear that you think they are idiots.
Mr. Fish, that’s all I am going to say about that. People may mention Harry’s in Downtown, this place has mediocre “creole” food, ridiculous prices, frozen seafood, and let us just say that there is a reason they keep it so dark in there. It pains me to say this because there are some members of staff who are exceptional, it’s just not enough.
Some people will sing the praises of Tapatios to you. I will say this, their salsa is pretty okay, everything else is Americanized shit. It’s not much of a surprise because, and I mean no offense, this is Mexican food for white people. If you have ever enjoyed great Mexican food, you will try this and be reminded of your college days when you thought Taco Bell was the shit, it isn’t and neither is Tapatios. Instead, head over to Mega Mercado where you will find some great authentic food at equally wonderful prices. The neighborhood may seem a little sketch to you but you need to adventure outside of your comfort zone here.
Fat Maggie’s, while I have found this place to be a miss on occasion, for the most part they are pretty tasty, the price point is not my favorite but that is okay some of the time. Treat yo self, ya hear. Also, it is located in the quickly developing area, Dixieland. As a native of Lakeland, I can definitely say that it is refreshing to see all the new independent businesses opening up in the area. I just hope that it doesn’t suffer the same fate as Downtown, which basically bites it’s own tail as far as progress goes, awesome place opens up, doesn’t last a year because of ridiculous rent and faltering patronage or voodoo or whatever they’re doing down there these days.
Speaking of Downtown, let’s talk about Black and Brew. I have just never, ever, ever been a fan of this place. I get that Crisper’s was wildly successful back in the day and the concept of a hip deli/cafe is appealing but not a thing that I’ve ever had from this place has been better than “meh”. Their price point stinks for the quality and it’s not that they aren’t using fresh ingredients, I just don’t think they know what the hell to do with them. When I saw an offering of Mushroom and Brie bisque, I had to change my figurative panties, let’s just say that expectation compared to actuality left me nonplussed. Honestly, I cannot really think of a concept similar to this in Lakeland that I do enjoy other than Crisper’s circa 1999. If you know of one, please hip me to that place and I will be more than happy to check it out because my inbox is empty on this one.
The last place I am going to talk about is right across from our aforementioned gem Pho Tan, I’m talking S&L Burgers on Combee. This place has limited hours, even more limited seating and a basic “we do what we do better than you” menu. This is the best and most affordable burger you will find in Polk County, period. Here is their number, 863.665.0731, you’re going to want to call ahead for a table, trust me. If someone tells you to go to Burger 21, strike them from your friends list, kick them in the crotch, whatever, both are fitting fates for such a terrible answer to “Where can I get a good burger around here?”.
I hope this list is a helpful start to seeking out the diamonds in the rough over in my hometown. Feel free to chime in with comments and suggestions but please note, this is just a beginning to my rundown of what you should and should not be putting in your mouths and that it is also opinion, if you don’t like it, I hear Chili’s has free chips and salsa in the lounge.
